Beautifully Broken

Has anyone ever told you, I love you for being you? What if a loved one told you this? How would it make you feel? Would you believe them? Would you bask in those words and receive them as a gift, or would you question the person and get defensive and say what is that suppose to mean?

Growing up I always did my best to be the best version of myself. Earlier I believed that others knew me better than I did. I listened to media, to collogues, to friends and family instead of listening to my intuition. (What do I mean by my intuition, for me it’s that compass that always leads me home to what is best for me, I believe it’s how I connect to a higher being.)

I remember a high school Science teacher telling me to stop trying to be like Becky, but instead I should be on the radio because I had a great laugh. I’m sure he meant well, but as an immature teenager I took it as I couldn’t do something better than that. So it lite this fire in me, an English teacher said I had intestinal fortitude. For me that intestinal fortitude was a belief in myself, an ability to check in with my intuition and get guidance on what to do next.

I tried being “perfect”, the perfect kid, the perfect student, the perfect friend and guess what I wasn’t and the only thing it did was make me feel like crap and tell myself I wasn’t good enough or listen to other people tell me I wasn’t good enough. But what if, I could recognize I was beautifully broken?

I am an only child so being different and alone wasn’t really a big deal to me, however it did mean I did not have practice in negotiating or conversation. When things got heated or loud, I would simply ask to go home. Was I a bad kid? Did I lack some coping skills? Should I have been forced to stick it out?

Bottom line, I knew I didn’t have to be like everybody else, I was happy knowing that everyone else appeared to be happy. I was ok being the odd person out just as long as everyone else had a partner. Why didn’t this knowing stick with me all the time?

If someone told me I was beautifully broken as a teenager, because of my immaturity, I would have probably gotten really pissed off and taken it as a slap in the face. I don’t know that I would have been able to process it for what if really meant.

Now I can hear this statement and just sit in it, recognizing that my flaws, scars, heart aches, bumps and bruises that I’ve experienced in life have brought me to this point in life, to where I understand that I have and am on purpose.

Because of this, I want to share the ability to do the deeper self work with others. To do this people have to want to do the internal work. I work with men and women who feel like they have been spinning on a choice of change and simply haven’t been able to make any progress on their own.

Part of the process is to understand who they are, how they process information, what motivates them. The next part is to understand what their current habit patterns are for when they are successful and when they are not.

Most of time we are striving to do so many things for so many people that we become numb to the things that are pulling us away from our ultimate goal. We busy ourselves with meaningless tasks so that we don’t have to deal with the bigger problems. We down play the things that are happening in our life that have huge control over our emotions, time and energy. We basically say if we take care of everything else first then I can work on me.

Guess what? This doesn’t get you solutions, this does however prolong the process and get you into a cycle that is hard to break. A big part of doing internal work is slowing down, paying attention to how you feel, letting yourself just sit in that and let your intuition, that internal compass, give you guidance instead of overriding it.

What ever your dreams are, they can be achieved, you might say, but Vickie I’ve tried all the things. My question would be what do you know about yourself to be true? Have you tried methods that tap into this? Once we start living a life that is congruent with who we really are, then we begin to bloom in ways we never thought possible.

This is the work I believe with every fiber of my being I have been placed on this earth to do. Is it tedious? It can be initially, because it’s different from what you’ve done in the past. Is it worth it? Absolutely, not just because I teach it but because I practice it myself and I can honestly say that I have never been in a healthier relationship with my partner, my parents, my friends and I have this work to thank for it. I no longer look at my work as dreaded or hard and exhausting, instead I look forward to it.

If this is something you are interested in doing for yourself, then I’d love to talk to you. How many self-help books or programs have you bought but not listened to? How many days, months, years have you been saying you are going to do something only to put it off? This does take a dedicated amount of time, energy and money. But for me it’s been money, energy and time well spent.

What are you waiting for – send me an email. coachvickie24@gmail.com

What does fear feel like?

When I was seven years old my parents and I went to visit some friends in Hartford Connecticut. My mom, Elsie and I were off to the grocery store on a sunny Saturday morning. I remember being excited to be in the city and doing errands with “the girls”.

On our way out of the grocery store, with grocery bags in hand, 10 feet from our car, a tall man, grabbed my moms purse. You know the kind of purse I mean, the kind that you can put everything in it including the kitchen sink.

I remember my mom yelling “NO” a lot! I remember being shoved into the back seat by Elsie and her locking the car doors while she went to help my mom up from the ground. I remember that the top of my moms hand was bleeding and her elbow was scrapped. I remember feeling helpless and crying as I watched this happen to my mom. Just recalling this event still gets my heart rate up a bit.

Fast forward to two months ago, my mom was visiting and we were in the city with lots of foot traffic and yes she was carrying a suitcase for a purse. She was walking a few steps behind me and it was driving me crazy! I keep looking over my shoulder and my heart rate was racing. It took me a minute to understand what was going on.

Interestingly, I rarely carry a purse and if I do, it’s small or utility in nature and close to my body. But what was really fascinating for me is that after all these years I was still experiences feelings of nervousness, distress and fear all from seeing my mom carry a big purse.

Once I was able to take a minute to distil this down and to understand why I was feeling agitated and nervous I was able to have a conversation with my mom and husband of why I was feeling this way. I was able to recognize that this feeling was not in accordance with my values of feeling safe and content.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because as a Life/Career Coach I take opportunities to dig a little bit deeper into things. I like to understand the things that act as triggers. You know, the ones that get you to respond in a way that you are less than proud of and would hate to see in newsprint. I also like achieving goals and living my best life. That’s why I continue to do the work for myself.

What does life/career coaching do? It helps you identify old habit patterns that are no longer working for you and teaches you methods that will give you direction but also serve as foundational markers to keep you on course for success. You’ll learn about your human design, your values, what drives you and what is keeping you from reaching your goals.

Are you really ready for change? Are you sick of spinning? If the answer is yes, reach out to me, coachvickie24@gmail.com. I will ask you to invest your time, energy and money in the one thing that no one can take away from you, your personal growth.

Self Help vs Life Coaching

How many of you have bought self help programs or books with the intention of applying the material, but in reality the book is sitting on the shelf or the program is sitting in your saved folder of “things to do”?

It happens, we’ve all done it, me included. We had good intentions, that’s why we bought the program. But then there is the time commitment, and the follow thru, that just didn’t happen, or you started it but then stopped half way thru.

Guess what? There is never going to be the perfect time to make change in your life. There will always be something else that seems to be pulling you in a different direction or seem to have more importance. The question is when are you going to make you and your dreams a priority?

The difference between a self help book or program and life coaching: First, life coaching requires you to show up on a regular basis, meaning you have to set time aside in your calendar to do the work. Second, life coaching gives you an accountability partner to not only keep you focused, but also to hold you accountable to applying the tools that you are learning, and give you the extra guidance during trying times when you might start going back to old habits. Third, working with a coach gives you better insight of how you do you, so that you can recognize habits or old beliefs that can sneak in and try to sabotage the work you’ve achieved.

Ultimately a life coach is a person that is there; to challenge you in an encouraging way, to call you out when you start believing your story of why you can’t achieve something, and to teach you and help you identify methods that provide clarity, confidence and direction toward your goals.

Knowing this information now, I would have saved myself a lot of time, frustration and money. If I think of some of the decisions that I made earlier in life and some of the hardships I overcame, I am thankful for the lessons, but there are some that I would have easily sidestepped if I had the tools that learned in life coaching.

Why am I telling you this? Because for me to have integrity and authenticity in the work that I do, I too have to continue the work for myself. I’m a life long learner and I want to be the best partner, friend, family member, and life coach.

So my question for you, are you sick and tired of buying the self help books or programs only to get frustrated or confused and not have anyone to bounce ideas off of? If you had a person that was there with you, to teach you, call you out and hold you accountable, would you set aside the time and money to take the steps?

What dreams or goals have you been hoping to achieve that have seemed out of reach? Send me an email to coachvickie24@gmail.com, let’s talk or go to my website and sign up for a coaching discovery call and get in my calendar, https://coachingandbodyworkbyvickie.com.

If not know, when? Wishing you many blessings in 2023!

Vickie

Who Am I?

I’m an animal and nature lover. I enjoy the beauty in the silence of the early mornings. I believe anything is possible. I love connecting with people on a soul level.

Recently I was having a conversation with a coaching client and they used a statement with this gist. I don’t get as anxious and spend hours analyzing things in my head anymore. Instead I just know what to do. But there are a few times, that I have gone against this and I go right back to that old feeling I had of being frustrated, overwhelmed and anxious.

These conversations make my heart happy. To be able to witness a persons growth from the beginning and see the incremental changes as they go is truly amazing to see! To have the individual receive consistent, positive feedback from friends and collogues about a noticeable change of behavior and how they are handling things differently, this is priceless!

Why am I telling you this? Because, this type of work can help you achieve your dreams, build your legacy, be the person that you were meant to be.

Why aren’t more people doing this? Because it’s work, and sometimes it’s hard, and there are times when you think you are not making any progress while you are going through some rough waters, but once that passes, you understand that during the roughness was a lesson and it was part of the process of your growth.

Life Coaching It’s about taking an honest look at how you do things and really getting in touch with what makes you tick, what is working and what isn’t. It’s not for everybody, but oh wouldn’t it be amazing if it were?

If you are working through something, and you can’t seem to gain clarity on what to do next, or maybe your anxious and lacking confidence, or simply want to land that job you’ve been dreaming about. Check out life coaching.

This work if called life coaching because it’s about honing in on tools that will help you live the life you want. If this is what your looking for, then I’d love to connect with you!

Send an email to coachvickie24gmail.com. Tell me you want to connect and learn more, or click on this link to schedule a call and get on my calendar! https://CoachingandBodyworkbyVickie.as.me/DiscoveryCoachingCall

Wishing you all a blessed March!

Vulnerability, Why we need it

In my 20’s and 30’s, I saw being vulnerable as a detriment. I saw friends and couples where one appeared really needy and weak and would praise myself for being easy and self sufficient in a relationship. The frustrating part was that I was the one that wasn’t having much luck in the lasting relationship department, but they were. What was their secret? Now what seems like many years and several serious relationships later I feel like I have come closer to figuring it out.

Being vulnerable is about asking for what you need when you need it. It’s about being authentic and showing up as who you are and not as the person that you think you need to be. It’s about taking a chance on you, knowing that somebody might say no, but also understanding that if that is the case they simply are not your people. I believe being vulnerable is the ticket to finding happiness that perhaps you didn’t believe existed.

I took a leap of faith on myself about 7 years ago, I left what I knew was secure; a good job, a state that I had lived in most my life; friends that I known for years and I did it because for the first time in my life I wanted to invest in my happiness.

For the greater part of my life I was focused on my career and prided myself on my ability to take care of myself. I focused on education, employment, financial advancement, I thought the family part would come into play without much effort, so I did everything I could to set myself up for success, so that I would have something to bring to the table (sort of speak) for when the time was right. Well I had a first iteration on that and it didn’t work out so well. I was playing a role that I thought was expected of me and needless to say I failed at it.

But I’ll have to be honest if I didn’t have that experience, I wouldn’t of had that fail as information on how to do things differently the next time. There was gained knowledge, I wasn’t vulnerable and it didn’t get me the results I wanted. So with that in mind, I took a leap of faith on a new relationship, a new location, and a new career endeavor and so far I can tell you that it has all been a win.

What if you took a chance on being vulnerable and had the same amazing results? What if you asked for help when you needed it? If you took time out for yourself to rest or simply have some peace and quiet, instead of rushing towards the next project or item on your to-do list. How would this bring you peace? I’d love to hear.

Write about your dream home.

Is filled with love, laughter and respect. It has cozy nooks to cuddle up and read books. It has big, wide windows that fill the home with natural light but are tinted to provide privacy. There is a big open kitchen with state of the art appliances for meal prep and entertainment. There is a movie room with comfy chairs and sound system. There are cozy nooks on side porches where you can soak in the warmth of the sun and listen to the birds. There are ample rooms for guests to visit and have their space and there is a master suite with a sitting area and a view of the ocean. There are well designed and organized walk in closets and a steam shower and soaking tub in the master bath. The color tones are neutrals and blues with swashes of colors in artwork and area rugs. There are several fireplaces that not only add to the ambiance but also can add as heat sources. There is a library with books from floor to ceiling with big comfy chairs and individual reading lamps.

Boundaries, WHY we NEED them?

The holidays are a time when I feel boundaries or better yet, the lack of boundaries, makes us want to either hide in a closet until everyone leaves or simply jump in the car and make a quick get away before the meal has been served.

I post a lot about boundaries on my site, mostly because they are the easiest way to create a space where you can feel safe, loved, and respected. I use to believe that the only way I could have this sacred space for myself was to keep to myself, because I was constantly bumping up against family and friends that would tell me “you need to get a sense of humor” or “you’re being too sensitive” or “lighten up, already”!

I just didn’t seem to fit in with other people. I was the odd duck with a different perspective. Let me be clear; I still worked in a busy office with lots of colleagues that I conversed with on a regular basis, I worked out daily for my mental and physical health with other like minded individuals, and I had a family. But to be honest I still felt lonely, because I wasn’t in community with people like myself, who were practicing boundary work.

I’ve always known what I like and dislike, but initially I expected people to be able to read my mind or body language to understand this. What I wasn’t good at, was using words. I would try to say something, get shot down, or made fun of, and then I would get angry and try to say it again only to get more push back and told “to lighten up” or “you take things too seriously”. When this happened I would shut down and pull back. What kept me in this cycle? Fear (I wanted people to like me) and guilt (I felt bad not over doing for others, even if it made me feel overwhelmed, exhausted and resentful).

What I had a hard time coming to terms with is that not everyone was excited for me to change and do something that would make my life better. Unfortunately, the people I was closest too and did the most for were the ones that gave me the most push back. So be ready when you try this for yourself. Here are some tips on how to implement boundaries into your every day life, so that you no longer feel exhausted and resentment.

How to Get Started?

First, you need to identify your boundaries.

Is there a situation that makes you feel angry, anxious, defensive or overwhelmed? This is a good place to start. What makes you feel this way, shouting and yelling, repetitive request for money, name calling?

Have you ever had a bad day and just need to talk it out with a friend or partner only to have them dissect it and tell you what you should do? When in reality all you needed was to talk it out loud and process it? At home we will ask the person if they want an ear or advice and whatever they request is what they get.

Second, be clear and direct with your words (and polite).

If there is something that is happening that make you feel disrespected, unloved, or unsafe say something! It’s always good to use I statements and it’s important to know that “NO” is a complete sentence and you do not need to explain if you don’t want to.

At my work I had a close colleague that would fill in my words before I could finish. I ended up pulling them aside and telling them I appreciated their help, but in the future please let me finish my thought process, before you jump in. Another example is a time I came home late from work to a family that was expecting me to put dinner on the table. My family became complacent with me always putting a meal together. What I learned to communicate is that on days when I worked late, Somebody else needs to make dinner for the family.

Third, Set Consequences! If a person crosses your boundary what will happen? For me there are times when it’s been a long day and I simply don’t have the energy or ability to take on someones sarcasm or criticism. When this happens I simply raise my hand and say “I can’t do this right now” and then I remove myself from the situation.

I can honestly say before I put boundaries in place I felt trapped. I didn’t like my situation and I couldn’t figure out how to make it better without “hurting” someone. What I neglected to realize is that because of this I was the person constantly being hurt.

I’m hopeful you found some information here that you could relate to and apply to your own life. If you’d like to hear more or learn some tools to help you live your best life, reach out to me, go to Https://coachingandbodyworkbyvickie.com and click on the button for a discovery call. This will get you into my calendar so that we can talk more about your goals and what you’re hoping to achieve. Be Well!

Why Coaching

Hello! If you are new to me and what I do, my name is Vickie Newman and I’m a life coach. I work with high achieving woman that do all the things and are on the go all the time. I help them achieve grace and space for themselves by honoring all their strengths, vulnerabilities and everything in between so that they can harness the true essence of who they are. So that they can get things done and still include themselves in recieving and not just serving and taking care of everyone else.

If you’d like to hear a little bit more about me and why I also receive coaching for myself (not only does it help to keep me on track with my goals but it also reminds me to honor and love myself and the process of growth). If you have more questions or would like more information please feel free to check out my website at https://coachingandbodyworkbyvickie.com or send me an email at coachvickie24@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you!

Here is the link to the live call I did with my Coach Heidi Metro: Talking a little bit about the coaching process and then why I do what I do. Check it out Here: https://fb.watch/9ChoThfbqo/

New Year, New You!

Wow, I can’t believe we’ve started a new year. So much has happened over the past 12 months. We’ve been challenged as humans not only physically but emotionally. As a family we’ve loss loved ones, worried about others that are along and tried to stay sane and positive throughout the whole process. Our faith truly has been key during this time.

During this challenging time of loss and stress we’ve had some great wins. Family relationships are stronger, we are more committed to staying connected and spend less time complaining and more time having authentic conversations.

This December marked my one year anniversary for my Massage & Coaching Company, while most say ” Oh, wow, what a horrible time this year must of been” the exact opposite is true. Yes I had 2 months of no work, but ultimately my business came back stronger than ever and if anything I was able to implement systems for people to book and pay on-line for services and ensure that I had good, solid plan on how I could provide the best care in a safe environment.

While yes I’m thankful for the higher demand I also need to understand fully what is behind that. People are tapped out, they are stressed, anxiety levels are high their systems are running on “fight or flight response” (like a saber tooth tiger is after them 24/7) the cortisol is coursing through them and their bodies and minds are not functioning in the same capacity as when they are able to be grounded and breath and not feel the pressure.

I’m a fact finder so I’m always curious, about what a study will tell us 5-10 years down the road about this pandemic, but I’m also a person that likes to take action now. Not only for those that feel like they are drowning but for those that are bobbing in the water trying to survive this crazy time. For me it’s about teaching people skills so that they are not longer just surviving but actually thriving again even in a pandemic.

My dad always told me, Bub (yes my childhood nickname) if you do anything in life, know that your education can never be taken away from you. So true… Yes your pride can be hurt, you can have challenging relationships that leave you feeling stunned, but ultimately if you invest in yourself and your own personal growth you are going to be ahead.

To this day I always remember this and when I presented with an opportunity to stretch and grow in a direction of where I dream and hope to be I know that it will be worth the time, energy and investment.

For example, 6 years ago I had 14+ years invested in working for a state agency, it was a good job, I was challenged, I enjoyed who I worked with but something was missing. I had all the things that people hope for, I had a family, I had a good job, I was in good health, but I wasn’t be honest with myself because I felt guilty to complain, I didn’t want to be that person that was ungrateful for all the things I did have, but I wasn’t be me, instead I stuffed all my feelings into a box and “pretended” all was well until one day the box blew up!

So needless to say I gave my notice, I moved out of state, I took a chance on me and my dream of happiness and you know what? It worked, it doesn’t mean it was all easy it’s been a journey of growth and change, a journey where I’ve learned to pivot when needed to move me towards the “Big Goal.”

I’m far less stressed, I have healthier relationships with loved ones, I get to be me (most of the time happy, but sometimes exhausted and depleted but able to show up as that and honor how I feel at that time.) It is so liberating to live life without feeling like I need to fit into other people’s boxes.

If you are feeling like your stuck or simply just struggling to stay afloat and survive and the idea of thriving right now feel impossible. Ask yourself if I had a chance to invest in me to achieve my wildest and craziest dreams would I take it?

That’s what I’m offering you, an opportunity to look at where you are now, where you want to be (really want to be, not a scaled back version) and then the opportunity to map out and learn the skills you need to reach those goals, not by yourself but with me by your side, providing guidance and also keeping you accountable to yourself.

Is this something you’ve been putting on hold for awhile? Maybe you have kids and you want to get the kids taken care of first. You tell them to not do what your doing – continue to work a job you hate. Instead you tell them to reach for the stars and dream big. How much more would they learn if you took the leap of faith and pursued what you loved? How much more confident would they be to do the same for themselves?

Are you ready to take the leap? Is it your turn to reach for your goals? Reach out to me today, schedule a discovery call today so that we can have a conversation about: where you are, where you want to be and come up with a customized plan to help move you in that direction! It’s a free 30-45 min call to see if I can help you achieve your goals. Can’t wait to hear from you!

https://VictoriaCarrierBodyMindCoachLMT.as.me/DiscoveryCoachingCall

Season Madness & Gratitude

It’s that time of year when I start to feel stress from everyone around me. When I think back I used to be one of those people, the stress year end reports and deadlines at work, meal planning for holidays and purchasing of gifts for immediate and extended family and friends was simply overwhelming. While I loved the idea of spending time with family while enjoying a meal, the craziness and gift requiring holiday left me feeling exhausted and down right grouchy at times.

Now fast forward to 2020, a holiday season during a pandemic. I definitely didn’t see this one coming, but it’s here, so let’s make the best of it. Yes, it is definitely different. We won’t be traveling home to New England to see family instead we’ll be staying home for a much more quiet meal. Holiday shopping has gotten much quieter and while we still shop local to support our community the odds and ends that can’t be found will be found on the internet and shipped directly. So needless to say it’s been a much quieter year, no concerts, craft fairs, or festivals, but there has been some great intentional conversations with family that doesn’t always happen and because of this I get to my list of things I’m thankful for.

  1. I’m thankful for my partner, he supports me and believes in me 100% and is the sounding board I need when things feel overwhelming and the warm hug of encouragement when I get discouraged.
  2. I’m thankful for my mom and dad, they truly have been great guides, supporters, and believers in me and have taught me some great life lessons.
  3. I’m thankful for my clients and my business, for the first time in my life I can say I truly love what I do, I feel like I really make a difference, and my clients (each and every one) are all amazing people that I feel blessed to work with.
  4. I’m thankful for nourishing and tasty food this holiday season, so blessed to live in an area with many farms and markets.
  5. I’m thankful for my faith, because honestly during this pandemic it could be really easy to get overwhelmed and stay inside, with fear and panic, but instead I believe that loving others (treating them the way I want to be treated by following safety precautions and being mindful of my activities) is the way to muster through this.
  6. I’m thankful for the community we live in and all the small businesses that are there for their community but also for their fellow business owners. I feel truly blessed to own a company located in this community.
  7. I’m especially grateful for all the emergency responders, health care workers, mental health workers, national guard members and volunteers that have been showing up day after day and their families. Because I know first hand what it is like to be doing the work, and also what it feels like to be the family waiting at home worrying and wondering when you’ll return.

Are there things that you are challenged with this holiday season? Maybe it’s missing seeing loved ones after a long year, or perhaps not sure what life/work is going to look like know that all kids are back home doing virtual learning. Perhaps you are celebrating your first holidays without loved ones and the idea of them not being here is too overwhelming. Perhaps you are starting to wonder what you need to do next or maybe your are simply overwhelmed with stress. If you like to see if coaching could help you get some order to your thoughts so that you an figure out what your next steps should be then reach out to us, or perhaps you’ve noticed that you have this pain that simply will not subside and when you think about how it started it wasn’t a physical thing but perhaps an emotional loss. Wishing you all happy, healthy, holiday season and so thankful to you for taking the time to check out my blog.